Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
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