My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
