Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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