i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
sarcasm needs its own font
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
