So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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