I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize