You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Is it because I queefed?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
