So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
