2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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