i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
