I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I intend to get homeless drunk
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
