No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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