my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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