We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize
