he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
