Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
