at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
