you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
