Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
