Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
