Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
