A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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