Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Barsexuality is the new black.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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