I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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