my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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