By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I forget how to act sober
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
