We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
