Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
