then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
