I think I am morally bankrupt
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
