she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
