I just threw up on my dentist
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
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