wrigley field is MILF paradise
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
