All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
