Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize