Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
