Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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