I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
