we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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