How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
