Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
