There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
