When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Randomize
