How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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