I just cut my nipple shaving
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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