Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
