If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just tell him i said nine months
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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