That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He's on the porch naked. Help.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
