Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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