I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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