walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
