We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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