he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
