Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
is that a dick in a sweater?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
