I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
