Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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