Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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