My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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