Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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