I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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