He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
