I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
