Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
