the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
