why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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