It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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