something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
