I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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