Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
someone owes me an orgasm
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Randomize
