Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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