Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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