I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
