Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
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Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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