just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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