I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
